When I was a child, I used to daydream about being an adult. I used to think it would be so cool to be able to stay up as late as I wanted and watch whatever I wanted on television. I thought "I can't wait to try Cookie Crisp cereal," because my mom would never buy it for me. "You can't eat cookies for breakfast Alex," she would say. I'd always think to myself "when I'm a grown up, I can eat whatever I want for breakfast." Adulthood felt like some distant future location that would take forever for me to reach. This was back when my biggest care was whether or not we'd get a snow day or what Santa was bringing me for Christmas. Would I ever arrive at the the mythical land called adulthood? I wondered what I would be like and look like as an adult. Would my hair finally be down my back? Would I wear pretty clothes? Would I still want to watch Disney movies?
As it turns out, my hair is not down my back (because up until 2 years ago, I did not take very good care of it). I'd like to think that I wear pretty clothes, and yes...I do still want to watch Disney movies. On this day, my 26th birthday, I can't help but laugh at how fast the years have clipped by. It did not take forever for me to be an adult, in fact I now feel like it didn't take long at all. I stay up as late as I want--which is around 10 because I'm usually tired by then. I watch what I want on television--when James isn't watching Basketball or Football. Most importantly, I have tried Cookie Crisp--and it wasn't that great! None of the things that I daydreamed about as a child are nearly as exciting as I thought they would be! Nevertheless, I am grateful to be alive another year.
I once heard someone say that your 20's are when you find yourself. I definitely believe this to be true. I feel that I am on a path of self discovery and I learn a little more each day. I learn while interacting with others at work. I learn while at home enjoying the day-to-day activities of married life. I learn while reflecting on my childhood. I learn while writing and sometimes I learn through crying. I try to appreciate every learning experience as a stepping stone on that path to self discovery . I remind myself that there will be a moment when everything clicks. There will be some proverbial light bulb moment that will cause me to understand every lesson, every experience and every "stop" along the journey to discovering exactly who I am. In the meantime, I plan to create a consistent theme of gratitude in my life. I want to refrain from focusing too much on what is NOT or what I do NOT have and spend more time focusing on what IS and what I DO have. I try to take a few minutes each day to stop what I am doing and count my blessings. I definitely focus on this the most during yoga classes. At the beginning of each class, the instructor always reserves time for everyone to set an "intention" for the class. I have yet to set an intention other than gratitude. This is not only my intention during yoga, it is my intention in LIFE. I intend to be grateful for everything and everyone I have experienced and for each and every moment of each and every day ...
"For we can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures." - Thornton Wilder
It's one of the most comforting sounds I've ever heard.
It quietly lulls me to sleep each night.
It serves as a constant reminder that I am loved.
Listening to it, I become overwhelmed with gratitude.
I find myself shedding tears of joy and sometimes even disbelief.
I start asking myself what I did to deserve the privilege of listening to this beautiful rhythmic sound.
Lying in his arms and halfway sleep, I love nothing more than the sound of his heartbeat.